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JessicaSanders

Title: Shattered Pieces
Rating : PG-13 (possibly)
Pairing : Peter/Niki(Jessica)
Spoilies: Five Years Gone
Summary : Peter runs into a broken Niki's who's mind has broken to the point where reality means nothing any more.

Shattered Pieces

Peter hadn't been living in LA for long when he found himself in a small club in one of the harsher parts of town. Signs everywhere advertised that this was where some woman named Jessica was well known at. Entering the club he decided to stand by and see who this person was.

A few other patrons seemed to be there to see her and were commenting on the fact that she always came on at the same time doing the same exact dance and then walked off. Someone had attempted to start a conversation with her and had been struck to the floor while she made a very odd comment about how they got into her garage. Peter figured most of the stuff was hype to try to give her an otherwordly view.

He waited and soon the woman appeared. He realized that he knew her that it was the woman Nathan had spoken to him about many years ago before he had given up on his family to be president. The woman who came out did not seem to even realize where she was and he wondered if maybe she was strung out. It would not have been an uncommon thing in the business she was in.

The dance ended and she walked off he followed because something about her intrigued him. She appeared to be having a converstaion with someone, taking on both parts. He came up beside her and was about to say something when she turned around.

"I know you...Yes it is him....But its been so long...No only 5 years..." Niki trailed off and Peter realzied there was more then just outside things affecting her. That whatever this future had done to him it had clearly broken her even worse. He remembered the last time he had seen her standing over the body of her son and husband. Nathan had been so aloof by that point that he had gone to comfort her and she had simply looked at him and told him that it was fine that Jessica would protect them that she always did. He had wondered if she even realized her loss at that point. Looking at her now he still wondered.

She gestured to him to follow and he did so. It seemed that even that small gesture took a lot of effort and she went back to her ramblings. The part of him who used to work hospice felt pity for her. She reminded him of those he worked with the few people who's minds had gone.
****

He followed her as she entered her house. It was the same one she had always lived in and she quite enjoyed living there with Micah and DL. As she entered she called out to them and was pleased to see Micah tinkering away at an old mother board while DL slept. She informed them a guest was there and snaked a glance at a nearby mirror and commented that Jessica better behave herself.
*********

Peter walked into the dilapidated house. Most of the furnishings were falling apart and he was surprised that someone could live there. He watched Niki walk into a nearby room that seemed to have once been Micahs. An old motherboard lied on the table in a pile of dust tools used to tinker by long dead hands still in their places. He followed her into what he beleived was her bedroom. The bed was made on one side as if never touched and the other side was rumpled and dust covered as if waiting for a man to sleep in it that would never return. He noticed the only thing in the house that were clean were the mirrors. The house was full of them like a fun house all polished completely as if most of Niki's attention went to their well being. He would think she must be vain if it werent for the unkempt appearance hidden under her clothing. THe bones ready to pierce skin so taunt that he was surprised if she even weighed a thing.
******

Niki started getting dinner ready for her family and guest. She turned to Peter, "I hope you like spaghetti its the one thing these guys love the most." She turned to the table smiling at her family, "Right, guys? You must love that i make it every night."

Peter walked up to the table looking at the bowls of rotten spaghetti carefully placed around a spot that obviously was set for her son and husband. Comic books laid out covered in dust and he noticed one was the 9th wonders series Hiro had carried around. At the spot that was obviously her husbands layed a ring with a skull on it. He was beginning to pity this woman before him. Who obviously had lost more then just her family. He glanced over where she was stirring a pot of spaghetti it apepared to be what she mostly lived on.

"Do you live with anyone here, Niki?"

"Well of course I do you've already met DL and Micah. Jessica shows up sometimes, but not as often as before."

Peter recognized the names from Nathan speaking about Niki. He had heard once that Niki brought up a woman named Jessica as being after him and wondered if they were one in the same.

"Well are you going to stand there all day? Take a seat..." She started pulling the chair out for him when her entire demeanor changed. Suddenly she grabbed his arm. "You have to help her! I can't live like this any more!" As fast as it happened it was gone and Niki continued, "...the boys are ready to eat."

Peter wondered what had just occured. The person speaking to him had not been Niki. Though quite distraught the words had been they had been far more lucid then the speech Niki was currenly going on about as she doled out the food. He was glad to see the plates she chose for them were clean and he attempted to not react oddly to seeing her put more food on top of hte already rancid food in the other plates.
*******

The conversation at the table had to be one of the oddest ones Peter had ever been in. Niki held up a one way conversation with the places her son and husband had been. Well, technically it wasnt a one way one. Every so often mid sentence Peter would hear what he now called the other voice. Obviously it was Niki speaking but the intonations were differnt, harsher almost, and if he could call it anything it was almost a voice of reason. The lilting quality Niki's voice held that screamed edge of sanity was not in the second voice.

Niki abruptly ended the meal and excusing herself and her unseen family members informed Peter that he could sleep on the couch. What Peter didn't know was that his night was about to get even odder.
***************

Peter was half asleep when he he felt someone shaking him. He looked up to see Niki over him but her eyes showed something more behind them then the shifty eyes of one seeing a reality not there.

"Wake up! She fell asleep finally so we can speak now."

Peter jolted up. "Wait who are you?"

"Jessica. Look there is not time to explain all this. To put it simple I am part of Niki and Niki is part of me. But as you can see she is quite broken and I do not wish to head down that path myself."

"Obviously you can take over why don't you do so and save yourself if you feel your in danger."

"You do NOT realize what it takes to take control. It hurts her to wake up and find herself not able to have her reality and it's not just me i wish to save but her as well."

"Then why not do something when your both aware."

"Aware? You call this life NIki leads as her actually being aware? We speak to each other yes but there is no way to grab hold when the footing you are looking for is constantly ripped away."

Jessica calmed herself down and looked Peter directly in the eyes.

"For all purposes I have no control. Neither does she. She can't deal with all the loss shes had so she ignores it. I'm not even sure when shes speaking to me if she really means me."

Peter looked at her oddly.

"How can I help when I'm not even sure what is happening? You say Niki is sick but you ARE Niki!"

Jessica sighed and quietly said, "There's no way to make you understand how it is...Just if your going to stay help her, don't become another figment in her imagination. And don't forget she's not the only one here."

With that Jessica looked away and suddenly her eyes open wide and she gasped, "How'd I get here? I was on my way to bed and then suddenly I'm here."

Niki looked at Peter, "Do you know how I got here I don't want DL to think I came to you."

Peter realized that Jessica had been truthful about being someone different. The extreme change caught him by surprise but he caught himself and said, "No, it wasn't that you were going to show me where to get another pillow."

"Oh yes I remember now." As she walked off she she suddenly quite lucidly said, "I know you spoke to Jessica, I don't mean to hurt her you know it's just too hard." Niki saw Jessica looking back at her from the mirror pracically in tears. "I wish I could help you you know make it easier, but...."

With that Niki trailed off and Peter could see that she was gone once again into her own world.

Peter tried to catch her attention, "She knows that you know."

Niki blinked and looked at him, "Hmm...Who knows what? You know I really need to sleep Micah has school early in the morning."

Peter watched her go off sadly realizing just how much help she needed and vowed to help her and Jessica.
**************

Peter didn't sleep much that night, knowing you are sleeping in a room very close to someone who clearly is out of touch was not the safest feeling in the world. It gave him time to think though. With what the world had become after the explosion differences were more feared. He wondered how Niki had been able to survive this long, seriously doubting that she had the ability to live on her own all this time without help. Having Jessica obviously was one reason, she obviously could act as a voice of rationality when NIki was able ot listen. But from her own urgency Peter gathered those moments were becoming vewer and fewer. He drifted off figuring that Niki and Jessica, herself, needed all the rest they could get.

**********

Tina walked into the apartment as she did every day. She had given up long ago on fixing the place up or changing anything. The violent rages it had caused in Niki scared scare more then the night she had first met Jessica. She hadn't beleived Niki's speeches about their being someone in her killing others. Hadn't exactly understood NIki's ramblings aboout it and even then had been questioning her friends sanity. The day taht changed it all was when DL had taken Micah and she had walked into Niki's room to find a colder then normal Niki. When this other Niki had answered her that Niki wasnt around she had hightailed it due to Niki's warnings about the other her doing things. It proved it all in that moment. She could tell it wasnt the Niki she knew she was seeing at all.

About a month later she had heard that Niki was in jail and then in psychiatric treatment. It was scary to think that Niki had not been wrong. A month after that she heard Niki was home and headed over. The woman who answered the door was the woman she had seen that day months ago, the one Niki had called Jessica. It was obvious that she was pretending to be Niki but there was nothing she could do. The warnings from Niki in confidence let her know how dangerous this woman could be. Things went on until the bomb hit in New York. It had made national news of course because of how major it had been and how many had been injured and killed. At that point she had gone to Nikis to look for her. The house was deserted as if they had left it in a rush. She worried what had happened but there wasnt a way to find out. She kept returning every few days and finally one day she walked in and there was Niki sitting at the table.

But it wasn't the Niki she remembered. The woman before her
might have looked like Niki but she looked completely lost, more lost then Tina had ever seen her. And then Niki said the last truly lucid thing Tina heard from her and the the last thing she ever expected to hear, "Micah's dead."
**********

Walking inside she saw a strange man on the couch. There wasn't any time to think about it she simply went up to him yelling, "What are you doing here?!"

She watched as the man jolted awake and backed up from her.

"What are you doing in this house?!"

Peter barely got a breath in to respond and cut her off, "Niki invited me. I swear."

Tina looked over at him wondering who the hell this man was. In all her visists to Niki it was haphazard knowing who would be answering that door that day. If it would be the Niki she had known or the Niki left over from losing everything she had ever known. Or if it might be the other woman, a mere shadow of the woman who scared her into abandoning Niki, reduced to moments of crying for help. It gave her a new understanding of the other side of the story. That even though what Jessica was doing was cuasing Niki to lose control for Jessica control was even more important having lived without it so long.

The commotion had brought Niki out of her bedroom.

"QUIET! You'll wake up Micah!"

Tina barely controled the flinch. Micah had been a sweet boy who had been the core of Niki's existing. And from the various tidbits she got from Jessica's fleeting outbursts the core of her existence as well. Now he was reduced ot a figment in Niki's broken mind. It made her wonder of the irony of insanity. Niki's irrational belief was the only thing keeping her sane to her own self. But in reality to those around her she appeared quite mad.

"Hey, you know I wouldn't do that on purpose, Niki." Tina walked up to her and went to put an arm around her, realizing it was a bad day when Niki backed away from the perceived threat of any contact and moved herself far out of reach.

"Yes...I know. And he's a friend, I think, I remember him from the dark time."

Tina closed her eyes. The dark time Niki's way of referring to when things went bad and she lost everything. If she was referring to it like that now today was going to be a worse day then she imagined.

With that final comment Niki went on preparing her day, stuck in and lost to a time that her fragile sanity couldn't bring itself to admit happened. And while she went on words coming forth from both parts of her split selves like an external dialogue. Tina and Peter could only look on knowing that they did have a partner in their fight to help her. Someone fighting to release themselves from Niki's veil of insanity before she herself went into the abyss Niki had already fallen into.
*********

I used to have a lot of time to think. Before Niki started completely loosing grasp, when it was simply just the beginning of a long fall. Now it took more concentration then I could pull from the few resources we have. Fearing that if I became too weak I would completely lose myself. Niki at least had the comfort of believing she was living in reality and going thru the motions. But I knew the reality of it and that made it so much harder. When Niki had first started going downhill, we had conversations where I attempted to get Niki to realize what was real and what wasn't. This only led to Niki fighting harder and loosing ground faster. My more desperate attempts at taking over had led to the crashing of all reality for Niki. Those moments of awareness when they were between themselves, where there was no separation at all were too much for Niki.

During those times when thinking and planning without the constant rambling of Niki in their mind. She thought back to how it all began. My first memories were of standing over Niki's dead sister as their father reeled back to hit Niki and have her join her sister in death. That’s when I grabbed onto all of the memories Niki had of Jessica and made them myself. Jessica in life had been her protector and in death, she would be as well through me. I know I'm not really her sister she had in life, but a saying I heard once heard that memories make the person strikes me as true. I have all Niki's memories including all those of Jessica, and memories Niki doesn’t even have access to. I emulated all of her abilities, how she acted, how she looked, everything, and after a while I became her.

Then it had been simple I had aged with Niki at that time she was a child and it was easy to become what she wished. In my heart, I am Niki's sister, and nothing would break us apart again. I protected Niki then thru beatings and the healings so that Niki would not remember it at all. Attended classes for and did all she needed to get her thru. That's when the first problems began. Niki having no memory of my actions led to her not having memory of what she had learnt. So I made provisions, I always made provisions to keep us safe. When we finally moved out years later, when Niki became angry at the fact her father was never around from her perspective. I took a back seat. Figuring Niki could fight for herself.

Now this doesn't mean I never completely left I'd guide a hand, change an arrangement here or there, nothing big enough to be noticed. When Niki got too drunk and blacked out, I tended to be the one to awake first and deal with things. Because that’s my role, protecting Niki, protecting Micah. I never liked DL he was a threat to everything we were trying to make, an ex-con who I saw as dangerous. You have to remember the only man I really knew was our father. When he returned I had no choice but to start over again and as the black outs lessoned and Niki had awareness of each other totally things changed as well. When your entire life is to protect someone and then you can't, can't even have moments to exist to try. And all you can have is fleeting arguments about a reality that doesn't exist or an irrational thought brought up. Of course, you leap at a chance to end it all. Tina had been too frightened of me to help, even though she did accept that Niki was safe with me, I knew she was scared. So, when Peter showed up I saw our shot of fixing things. We'll never be normal, but we both deserve a chance to survive.

Even with rare moments of control I have now, I still protect her. And I always will. I have to think even now a part of her knows that. Well not think, I know she knows it I know everything she does. And I know how it hurts her to see me like this, just as it hurts me to see her the way she has become.
*****************